I owe you.
Today I stole a kiss from you while you slept. I snuck in your room and I laid down beside you and I stole that kiss. I also stole a deep breath of your scent; your sweet baby scent. So, I owe you for that, too.
I remember the comments. When you were growing inside of me I was blissful. Yet, there was always that one person who was haste to point out that life as I once knew it was about to change. I've read the witty social media memes about how you owe your mother everything for raising you. You might feel that way someday. That's totally justifiable. But, I feel indebted to you. I owe you.
I owe you for the wisdom you've given me. You've taught me so much in just two short years. I've learned that the minuscule problems of this life are just that. I've come to know the ins and outs of motherhood, at least up to this point; those things I witnessed my own mother doing, things I wondered if I would catch on to when I was a mother someday. You taught them to me. I'm not sure when I grasped them but, somehow, I have.
I owe you for the endless amount of fun you've supplied me with. You've given me a second childhood. I've suddenly discovered the simple pleasure of sitting with a coloring book for hours and the joy of rocking an imaginary baby. You helped me to see the moon again, to really see it for the first time through your eyes; a new discovery in your world. You showed me that dancing like no one is watching is totally okay and busting out a personal rendition of "Let It Go," in the grocery store is normal; at least in our world.
I owe you for the emotional therapy you've provided me. I never thought I would cry when I heard the word, "Mommy," or laugh when someone told me, "I poop!" I've learned to cope with worry. I never really knew worry until I knew you.
I owe you for my spiritual growth. I know my Savior better now. You brought me closer to Him. After all, you're the nearest comparison to Heaven that I've ever known.
I owe you for my job title. Because of you, I am Mom. It's a career I've always wanted. I pushed around a plastic stroller (much like yours) at a young age and I dreamed of a real stroller with a real baby. My wildest dreams didn't even do you justice.
I owe you for your marital counseling. Daddy and I have learned how vital alone time is. We used to have a lot of it and we did lose some when you came along. But, you've shown us that we must make time. We have basked in the glory of our creation together. How something as beautiful as you came from us; we'll never know. We have fallen more in love with each other because of you. My heart pounds out of my chest when I see your father holding you. Thank you for that.
I'm sure, someday I'll do something that you'll assume you could never repay me for. Maybe you'll need a little financial boost in your college years, when you're blowing your own money on meaningless items. Perhaps, you'll need to cry to me when a boy breaks your heart for the first time. You'll be upset, sobbing and confused about where you went wrong and I'll speak just the words you need to hear.
Or, on one of the nights, as a child, when you're up sick. You'll be running a fever with chills and feeling worse than you ever have. And, you'll feel like you owe me for holding your hair back or wiping your forehead. It could be, if and when you're delivering your own child someday; my grandchild. And, while I'm holding your hand as you experience the intense pain of childbirth you'll whisper, "Thank you, Mom. I could never tell you how much it means for you to be here."
But, just call it even. Whatever it is I do for you, is just a small way of thanking you for all you've done for me.
Because, I owe you, dear one. I owe you.